Wounds

Let it be Your will
that my words of my mouth and
the meditations of my heart
come before You, Adonai;
my Rock, my Redeemer.

I will crush my fantasy
bring me olive oil, crushed
for His majesty
To shine warmth unto eternity,
this is Your eternal decree:
Dance like flames
There’s no gravity,
for now I’m just a candle
trying to stay lit on this windy night.

(Matisyahu, Silence)

Wounds require time.
They require attention and care, and sometimes we can bother our wounds to the point that they begin to crack and bleed.
It is okay to have wounds, physical and emotional wounds are natural.
Sometimes wounds heal into scars, but not without their sources: extreme turmoil, agitation.
Life is learning to pull from digging at these wounds; healing means not agitating what needs to be cured.
It is vital to remember, that although we look and feel at these scars and flinch at their terrible memory, these reactions mostly fade with time.
We are the sole decider of whether we will heal, or if we will break down.

But there are exceptions, such as these two curious marks just above my right elbow.
For the longest while I believed they were scabs that just wouldn’t heal; it seems gross, but I would habitually pick at them, constantly causing infections on this elbow.
For six years my arm would bleed, and for six years I would scratch without giving a second thought.
One day I decided to stop, and the wound healed, and there was still the coarse presence of what might have been a scar, only it does not have the character of one.
I have learned to accept it, that it is a part of me, and that I need to stop trying to treat something that belongs as if it were a scar.
But this still does not retract from the adage that wounds do take time to heal.

Just a few thoughts.

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