Lately, I have been debating deeply on leaving this town. Living here has been promising and resourceful for this past year, but small towns like this are beginning to wear on me immensely, especially when all of my friends have left far away. Too much redundancy and not enough progress.
I am excited to say that I will be free of most of my personal dilemmas once January comes. Praise HaShem for this. Afterward, I am free to leave this town for wherever I want, and I take this liberty to heart.
I feel a strong pulling toward Chicago, or maybe out west, wherever HaShem allows me to be. There is really only one way to find out, and that is by going. I have always been a traveller, adventurer at heart, and this freedom relieves me as I have felt stranded and lost here in Farmington, Minnesota for too long. The desolate moods of winter convince me furthermore.
It is time to forsake this place and to let all of these trials pass, and it is time to make a new family and a new home. I believe I am deciding, most certainly, Chicago.
Israel is still in my close future. If I join a Yeshiva in Illinois, I will be able to make Aliyah within the next three years. My heart is dancing! That is all I can feel! I am finishing my time here, but there is patience to battle. I have learned so much, and these circumstances cannot keep such a heart beating with loneliness, desire and readiness forestalled. Eventually this patience will become my embrace, and this patience takes us all unimaginably far.
I feel this to be an extraordinary Exodus, but the odds of making this commitment are placed against me; it is out of my hands. Even history tells that what has been promised in the past has been denied to many of its inheritors. This does not daunt me, for I AM resolved.
I watch the rustic moon rise at this late hour, and dream of seeing it from the foreign fields of this earth.
I dream of kissing the Israeli soil with my bowed head, before a Torah on its cloth and candle lighting its dark countenance.
I wish I had the one near to celebrate Chanukkah with.
It’s a painstaking desire that stills my being too often.
But, with patience, that too will come; Baruch HaShem. I cannot fathom the sweetness of it.
If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.
24:5 דברים (Deuteronomy/D’varim)